Completing My Father’s Military Headstone—32 Years Later

In 1992, when I was just 13 years old, my father passed away. At the time of his death, my dad had remarried, and his spouse arranged for his burial plot. Perhaps she began the process of securing his military headstone as well, but for reasons unknown, it was never completed.

Fast forward to about five years ago, after visiting his grave and noticing the absence of the headstone that should have marked his military service. My dad served in the Navy during the Vietnam War, and the U.S. government provides free headstones for veterans who pass away after discharge. However, it requires completing the proper paperwork.

I reached out to the cemetery to restart the process. They informed me that although the setting fees had been paid, the headstone itself was never finalized due to missing documentation. With my interest in genealogy, I already had the required DD-214 form that proves honorable discharge. So, I picked up where things had been left off all those years ago. Thanks to the kindness and patience of the cemetery staff, I was able to navigate the process, but it wasn’t without its stops and starts.

Finally, after 32 years of waiting and five years of my own efforts, my father’s military headstone has been placed. The sense of closure and accomplishment I feel now is immense. Though I was never a caregiver for my father—I was too young, and he had a separate life with his new family—this felt like a final way to honor his memory and his service.

If you’re looking to secure a military headstone for a loved one, here are the steps to follow:

1. Obtain the DD-214 Form: This form is essential to proving your loved one’s honorable discharge from military service. If your family doesn’t have it on hand, you can request a copy through the National Archives. You can visit the National Archives website at https://www.archives.gov/veterans/military-service-records to request the form. The process can take some time, so plan ahead.

2. Contact the Cemetery: Whether your loved one is already buried or awaiting burial, communicate with the cemetery to ensure all necessary fees are paid and paperwork is filed. The cemetery staff can often guide you through details such as what type of headstone setting is appropriate (flat, upright, etc.), and how to order the marker from the Department of Veterans Affairs. The cemetery will also arrange for the installation, which often has separate fees.

3. Understand the Military Benefits: You can learn more about military burial benefits, including headstone and marker options, at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs website: https://www.va.gov/burials-memorials/memorial-items/headstones-markers-medallions/.

4. Be Patient: This process can take time, and as my experience shows, it’s never too late to see it through.

I’m deeply grateful to the staff at the cemetery, who walked me through this journey with kindness and patience. Though it took decades, my father’s service is finally being honored the way it should be. If you’re on a similar path, know that perseverance can bring a sense of peace, no matter how long it takes.