Taking the Reins: Power of Attorney, Pensions, and Other Surprises

The First Envelope

I think the first time I realized what a long road helping out would be was nearly a decade ago, when my mother’s copy of the Medicare & You handbook arrived in the mail.

If you’ve seen it, you know—it’s not a pamphlet. It’s a 129-page guidebook made up of dense, small-print, single-spaced rules, terms, exceptions, and deadlines. And it comes every year. At the time, I’d just begun caregiving for my mother, and that book was the first red flag that there was a whole world of bureaucracy I wasn’t prepared for.

What followed was an avalanche of paperwork—statements from banks, notices from pension funds, confusing letters from Medicare. I had just gotten used to the idea that I was making medical decisions, as well as day to day feeding, and daily necessities. Now here was another bureaucracy financial rather than medical and it was just the beginning.

No One Prepares You for This

Here’s what no one tells you: When your parents age, they may not be willing or able to explain the systems they’ve lived with for decades. You won’t always get passwords. Things may or may not be on autopay, dependent on a social security or other pension or stipend deposit. You might not know where their accounts are, how many they have, or if they’ve been keeping up with required withdrawals from a pension or another plan that may be dependent on their age. .

You’ll inherit not just their stuff—but their unfinished business, financial and otherwise. And it will all happen while they are living.

So what happens if your parent has a pension? An old retirement account? I recently learned what a Required Minimum Distribution, or RMD, actually is. I'd seen the letters, the acronyms, the IRS notices, but it all felt like just another piece of financial bureaucracy I'd "figure out later".

Well apparently, later is now. RMD's are mandatory withdrawals that must be taken from retirement accounts once a person reaches a certain age. For years, that age was 70 1/2. Now, depending on your birth year, it may be 73 or 75. And if you don't take them on time? the penalty is 25% of what should have been withdrawn.

So yes, I'm learning, sometimes on the fly, because at some point you will need to know everything today, we just keep learing, keep asking, and keep showing up for the people who need us.

Power of Attorney Is Not a Magical Fix

Even when I got Power of Attorney (POA)—medical first, later financial—it didn’t solve everything. Some institutions still wanted updated forms, notarizations, or proof of incapacity. Others put me through automated systems that looped endlessly, like a digital hall of mirrors.

And there’s the quiet heartbreak of all of it. Of realizing your parent is not coming back to themselves. Of feeling unqualified, because no matter how much education one may have, no matter how much you love them, no one is usually an expert on someone else's life. And the heartbreak of realizing that this system wasn’t made to help—it was made to protect itself.

What You Learn, You Learn the Hard Way

I built a checklist over what I've needed that wasn't really on my radar before. Here’s what I’ve learned, and what I hope you take to heart before you find yourself scrambling:

Caregiver’s Early Checklist

• Get Durable Power of Attorney for both medical and financial matters before your parent loses legal capacity.

• Collect all current paperwork: Mail from banks, retirement providers, Medicare, insurance companies.

• Gain access to online accounts, if possible. If not, prepare to be persistent. You may need to “become a detective” (or a hacker) to piece together a digital trail.

• Watch for signs of financial abuse or scams. Elder fraud is real, and it happens fast.

• Learn about RMDs (Required Minimum Distributions). These kick in when someone turns 73 (for most people) and come with harsh penalties if missed—even if the account is tiny.

• Start conversations early. Ask your parents what accounts they have, what plans are in place, and who they trust.

• Remember: Medicaid cuts, staffing shortages, and an aging population mean you may be the only safety net.

If You’re Reading This Early, Good.

If you’re not in this place yet—good. You’ve got time. But you won’t always. Just because it’s not your responsibility today doesn’t mean it won’t be your emergency in five years. Or two. Or tomorrow.

If You’re Already Here: You’re Not Alone.

We’re not handed this role with a roadmap. We stumble through it. And we do our best. We've been through the worst parts and we're still here.

You will be too.

Let’s keep sharing these stories. Not just to survive caregiving—but to make it more survivable for the next person.